Q and A session with Pat Johnson, DTM, International Past President
Why do people fail? What are the most common reasons for people failing or giving up? Why do people walk away?
“I make my living as a life coach and I work with people every day in dealing with their fears. Most of us don’t identify our own fears. The fears are invisible to us, while other people see them in action in our lives.
Jaworski, an author, wrote about the concept that we live in the continuum of fear and love. I look at life and I look at people making decisions, and if they're not deciding from love (from love we feel the highest and greatest and best for those people or ourselves), which is very conspicuous, then we're choosing from fear. And fear paralyzes us, fear makes us afraid, it makes us to take a lesser path, it stops us from believing fully in our dreams. It gets in the way of our highest and best. And when we cannot believe in our highest and best, we don't ask others to believe in our highest and best, so they don't show up. So, the whole thing starts to fall apart.
I think that the greatest challenge that we have is to love ourselves unconditionally, and to challenge our own fears day in and day out. And to help those people around us, whether that’s professional support or family support (well, not usually family because they don’t always see our fears). But that objective support that says,
“What does it cost you to not do that?”
“What does that fear cost you in your life?”
“What would challenging that fear give you as a gift in your life?”
“What would it contribute to the whole being of you?”
I think the goal in life is to be our purest authentic self, the purest form of us that we can be to live our life purpose. My life purpose is bliss. Bliss for me is just joy over the top, to live from a place of pure joy, for around others, living by myself, whatever it might be.
And that means that every day I challenge my fears. The things that say, “You can't,” “You're not good enough,” “What if.” Even the invisible, the blind spots we have in our lives.
So, I discovered that I had a blind spot in my life. My blind-spot was that I contributed, when I gave my word, that I paid a huge price without anybody ever knowing what price I paid to keep my commitment. And sometimes that cost me horrendous amounts of time, and sometimes that cost me a lot of money. But I never thought of it, because I gave my word. When I looked at that as a blind spot, I realized that, in giving my word, and never being willing to negotiate on that, that I in fact was disrespecting myself and not loving myself. But it was a total blind spot because I thought commitment was everything.
And yet in my definition of commitment, it was based on fear of that person not liking me or me letting them down rather than me honoring us all and saying, “I need to renegotiate that, is this possible?”
How much of your life you had missed from under planning or over planning?
“I would say until very recently, because of my childhood and my upbringing, I was an over planner. I grew up believing that I wasn't smart, so I over planned to compensate for that and always be very well prepared. I lacked confidence and self-esteem. So, I prepared and practiced extensively so that I would have confidence to appear.
Just recently, I've worked with an ontological coach - worked at my own life and worked at my own authenticity, when I realized that a Higher Force has a greater part to play in my life. If I let go of the controls a bit, and go with the flow, it will allow the beauty of life to happen!
So, I find that more and more, as I move into my authentic self and my bliss and my joy in life, that I plan less and I go more with the flow. And as a result, I have more confidence, more self-esteem. I'm happier and I'm not so gripping tightly to life.